The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

The Trump campaign on Friday was scrambling to contain the damage from newly-unearthed comments by JD Vance in which he disparaged cats who choose not to have kittens.

The GOP vice-presidential nominee’s blistering attack on “kittenless cats” occurred during a 2023 podcast appearance in which Vance claimed that “cats without kittens have no stake in our nation’s future.”

“The kitten birthrate in the United States lags far behind that of all other industrialized nations,” Vance said. “Increasingly, female cats in the U.S. are selfishly choosing careers over kittens.”

The Ohio senator painted a dire picture of an America in which female cats refuse to reproduce, warning, “Soon we will be a country overrun by mice.”