Trump Demands Special Master Be Fired and Replaced With Extra-Special Master

Andy Borowitz / The New Yorker
Trump Demands Special Master Be Fired and Replaced With Extra-Special Master Donald Trump speaks to the press on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, D.C., February 7, 2020. (photo: Brendan Smialowski/Getty)

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

Infuriated by Judge Raymond Dearie’s requests for information in the Mar-a-Lago documents case, Donald J. Trump has demanded that the special master be fired and replaced with what he called “an extra-special master.”

“This Dearie, he’s a beauty, he really is,” Trump told reporters. “He’s asking for information. He’s asking for information like you wouldn’t believe. He’s a bad or sick guy.”

Pressed to explain what he meant by an “extra-special master,” Trump said, “We need somebody in there, somebody who’s more special than this Dearie joker. If Dearie is special, then I don’t know what special is.”

Claiming that Dearie is “rigged against me,” Trump said, “After that guy is fired and goes back to Antifa or wherever he came from, we’ve got to find out what idiot chose him in the first place. This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”

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