"The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, 'The Borowitz Report'."

Donald J. Trump revealed that, if confirmed as HHS Secretary, Robert F Kennedy Jr. would be encouraged to "go medieval" on the nation's health.

"There were fantastic medical practices, like making blood come out of your whatever, that were used centuries ago before they were banned by DEI and the woke mob," Trump said. "Bobby's gonna bring all that back."

"Vaccines have only been around for 50 years or so," Trump said. "Leeches were squirming all over the Earth long before humans did. Bobby is going to be moving very powerfully on the leeches."

Trump reassured the nation that all of these medieval procedures, such as "drilling a hole in your head," were "perfectly safe,” adding, “I ran everything by Dr. Oz."