Here are 13 other very normal places to store munitions.

Good news! The Arch de Trumph will be weaponized, apparently! It will "house, store, and have the rapid ability to use large numbers of drones, plus Snipers," according to the president. "There will be no facility like this anywhere in the World.” You know, for once, I think the president is right. I'm going to go out on a limb and agree that this is the only Memorial Arch Armed With Drones and Snipers around! Just as a Fisher Price Push-Around Buggy With a Nuke on the Back would be the only one of its kind.

Here are some other places I assume they will be putting weapons next.

1. The Institute of Peace, obviously. This is the last place our adversaries will look!

2. All horses in equestrian statues will be replaced with Trojan horses, filled with tiny armed men ready to pour out at a moment's notice.

3. The National Archives will be filled with deadly lasers, programmed to shoot if anyone gets too close to the Constitution. This will both look intimidating and make the Supreme Court's decisions seem more

correct.

4. Tanks at the National Aquarium will be replaced with the other kind of tanks.

5. Singing the national anthem will cause an actual rocket to fire. 6. Mount Rushmore. Teddy Roosevelt can now shoot missiles from his eyes. Thomas Jefferson has a machete. George Washington's nose will release cherry bombs in an ominous, sneeze-like formation. Don't even ask what Abraham Lincoln is now capable of.

7. The Statue of Liberty. Drones will fly out of her crown at anyone who dares to approach this nation's shores, and her non-torch-bearing hand will be armed with an electrified stun glove like the ones being issued to ICE. (The poem will also be removed.)

8. Every statue of Columbus is now a Tactical MechaColumbus. He's mad, and he wants his parade back!

9. The Washington Monument. The top now slides open to allow

MechaColumbus to pull out an enormous sword.

10. The Reflecting Pool. Instead of getting rid of the algae, we will train it in the arts of war.

11. The World War II Memorial is being reconceptualized with free weapons for visitors to take in case the war breaks out again.

12.J. D. Vance. His jaw will unhinge to reveal a missile launcher. We dare you not to clap for him now!

13. The Pentagon. (It's running low!)